Becoming a parent is a massive change in your life. There are huge expectations. We are sold an image of parenthood and how it should look. The perfect mother, partner, baby, the perfect house. Our expectations are often not reality! Parenthood can bring joy, contentment but feelings of loneliness, frustration and a grieving for your old life are also normal. Developmental scientists consider it to be one of the most massive reorganisations in our brains, our behaviours, identities and relationships. Studies show there are changes in the structures of the maternal brain. Shrinkage occurs in the grey matter, the part of the brain involved in processing and responding to social signals. This may mean that new mothers' brains are more efficiently wired to allow them to respond to their baby's needs or to detect threatening people in their environments. The paternal brain also undergoes changes. Adjusting to parenting takes time, it takes time to feel comfortable and confident in your new role. If you like structure and organisation, a new baby’s unpredictability can be even harder.
So how do you adjust to your new role as a parent?
Plan for the time after your baby is born. Discuss expectations and roles with your partner.
Sleep whenever you can, even if you cannot sleep, just resting is helpful.
Self-care is important, simple things like lunch with a friend, an uninterrupted bath or shower.
Keeping in touch via text groups is great. However, they can lead to stress and overwhelm. If you feel this way it is ok to put the phone down! It can wait.
Eat well and stay hydrated. Lots of nice nourishing food is so important as you recover from labour and birth.
Talk about how you are feeling, you are entitled to feel how you feel. Whether that is joy, exhaustion, rage, all your feelings are valid.
Assign tasks. We often think we can do things better or more efficiently but letting go and delegating is a good thing.
Reach out to other mothers. Meeting others who you can relate to is helpful.
Exercise, being out in fresh air, may be the last thing you feel like doing but getting endorphins flowing is hugely beneficial.
You may have used hypno-birth techniques for labour, why not continue these helpful breathing techniques during times of stress.
Get your partner involved, they can do skin to skin, walks, bathtime, nappy changes, express some milk for them to give to your baby if you wish.
Accept help, any offers of cooking/housework/washing.
Always remember no matter what, your baby thinks you are the most amazing person in the world!
Be kind to yourself as you are adapting to your new role. If you need further help, talk to your Gp, your partner, a friend and other health care professionals. You can contact www.nurturehealth.ie. They provide professional counselling support to women and their partners through all aspects of pregnancy, childbirth and postnatal. For lots more helpful information you can follow me on instagram @cwalsh_lc.
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